Recently, Kink.com founder and CEO Peter Acworth asked Tomcat, Director of FuckingMachines.com, if he could spare a machine for permanent use on the TheUpperFloor.com. Tomcat offered up the original Intruder, as a newer model had effectively replaced it. The Intruder then got a face-lift in the form of a new base of stained wood trim, a tummy-tuck that shrank its footprint by moving its motor, and a nose job that replaced its too-heavy steel shaft with one of aluminum. The result is a sexier, more elegant Intruder, which will effortlessly blend in with the Edwardian décor on The Upper Floor. We humbly suggest one further improvement to complete its near-perfect design -- steam power.