I’m confused. I’ve always said I’m glad to be gay, so I don’t have to deal with all that sick stuff straight people seem to get into. But tell me straight up, straight folks, how is this sex?

Sometimes nothing does it for you like a nice hot pair of black boots. Quentin Crisp used to bemoan the fact that he never did work up a good boot fetish, since they can be so much cheaper and easier to come by than a real person. Aren’t we lucky we’re not in that position?